Another Trip

One of my close friends continuously calls me a walking health hazard, and in high school I must admit that I did start to feel like I was. Once again, I'm starting to feel that way now.




Since middle school, I have repetitively been in and out of the hospital and in and out of the doctors' office and in and out of surgery. Yeah, I know what you are thinking..."Damn, you ARE a health hazard".





Even after....Doctor's visit after doctor's visit, appointment after appointment, prescription after prescription, shot after shot, anesthesia after anesthesia, surgery after surgery....and yet, the saga continues....





Today I convinced myself to go to the Student Health Center on campus to find out wut it is that I am dealing with now. This is only one out of the 5 times I have been to the doctor just this semester, including the times I went to the doctor back home. I only got 1 and half hours of sleep "this morning" because I tossed and turned all night last night. I JUST COULD NOT SLEEP! My neck was hurting from a minor soar throat and my ear was throbbing. I suspected an ear infection because I had them so many times when I was young. Luckily, this time, the nurse practitioner diagnosed only bad allergies and sinuses which is probably putting a whole lot of pressure on my ear. IT HURTS LIKE HELL! She threw me a prescription and an over-the-counter medicine and sent me on my way. (Also telling me to take ibuprofen to ease the pain in my ear)





In high school, I always felt that I had no purpose of being here because I was always sick and there was always something wrong with me. Maybe GOD had it out for me. Yeah, I know I was stupid for thinking this way, but that's how I felt. Honestly, I thought about taking my life several times, but I knew that I would never go through with it. (Thank GOD) I must be honest, there are still times I think about it today. Seeing that I have a handfull of close friends, I don't feel that I can talk to them because they would probably look at me funny, thinking "Is this chick out of her mind?" So, I just keep it to myself.





A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a poem to help myself be more optimistic about what's going on in my life. Check it out...





My Living is not in Vain





I sit and wonder where I would be
If all my life I could not see.
I’ve had nightmares since the age of three.
Life is hard for everyone; not only me.
From year to year I feel the same.
I continue to believe my living is not in vain.





As days roll by and even weeks,
I can’t help but wonder who to seek.
My bones get weary and my body gets weak.
As my thoughts begin to surface, I can not speak.
I wonder how I continue to be sane.
Yet I still know that my living is not in vain.





I keep friends and enemies in my sight.
I keep an open ear throughout the night.
For trust is something I do delight.
But it is not always real and not always right.
Though it is hard for my trust to remain,
I declare to you that my living is not in vain.





I give respect where respect is due.
I’d give my life if necessary too.
Not saying that life is easy to go through,
But there are not many chances, so very few.
So once again, I have to proclaim,
That my living is certainly not in vain.





Though my purpose on earth is not yet defined.
I know I will soon get a harvest divine.
Better things will come in due time.
But for now, I will continue to let my little light shine.
Through it all, my hopes will remain.
I truly believe my living is not in vain.





I will do anything possible to help a friend.
If anything is needed, my back I will bend.
A hand and an ear, I am not afraid to lend.
My help, by mail, I will send.
I hope they will never fail to do the same,
For my life and my living are not in vain.





GOD has helped me through hard times and long years.
He has helped me to abolish some of my most dreadful fears.
He has dried each and every one of my tears.
And he gives me proof that he is always near.
To speak of his goodness, I am not ashamed.
And he lets me know that my living is not in vain.





I will take this with me until I’m put in my grave.
But until that time, I have to be brave.
The years of my life have now been shaved.
I will fight intensely for the rest to be saved.
Even if I don’t have one bit of fame,
It is definite that my living is not in vain.





copyright©2006 Frankie Alexander